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Finding Myself (Part I)

November 16, 2010

“There are two things to aim at in life; first to get what you want, and after that to enjoy it. Only the wisest of mankind has achieved the second.”- Logan Pearsall Smith

I have a love/ hate relationship with college. I love days like today, when I only have one class because the rest are cancelled. I can get everything I need to get done early in the day. The end of the semester is great because it seems like all my teachers decide to start canceling their classes. Even though they won’t ever admit it, they are getting just as tired as we are.

While I love the end of the semester, I also hate it. I find it increasing difficult to motivate myself to get assignments done. I do get the work done, but I do not have the passion to do it. I know that it isn’t going to get any easier over the next few semesters since I am getting closer and closer to graduation (and with the possibility of graduating a semester early, my mind is already DONE with undergrad).

It is during times like this that I need to re-focus myself. The best way I have found to re-focus myself is through my running, this blog, and baking/cooking. I am so thankful that I have the ability to run I hope that through this blog, I am motivating or at least inspiring other people to get out and possibly change their life in some way. I know that when I started reading healthy lifestyle blogs a few months ago, it completely changed my life. When I first stumbled upon blogs like Healthy Tipping Point, PB Fingers, and Meals and Miles, I was in a little bit of a rough spot in my life. I was running and eating “healthy” (more on that in a second), but not for fun. I was doing it to ONLY lose weight. I wasn’t overweight by any means, but I had a few pounds I wanted to lose. While I liked running, I sometimes felt like it was a chore, rather than a stress reliever.

My relationship with food was strained. I was obsessed with calories and was counting EVERY single calorie that I took in. I started limiting my calorie intake to a number that wasn’t healthy for my height, body weight, and activity level. I started eliminating some of my favorite foods (peanut butter, almonds, etc) and I became fearful of them. I completely eliminated eating desserts because I would feel guilty even with just one cookie. While I was happy I lost weight and that people were noticing, I knew that I wasn’t doing this in the most healthy way.

I believe that the first healthy living blog I stumbled upon was Caitlin’s at Healthy Tipping Point. After reading some of her posts, I read other blogs and by the end of the day, I was hooked. I was amazed by all these women and how happy they were. I also saw that many of these women were either half-marathoners or marathoners. Something inside of me snapped- I knew that I wanted to do something BIG. I owed it to myself and I knew exactly what I wanted to do. I called my parents and told them that I wanted to run a half- marathon. I knew that they thought I was crazy, but that I could do it if I wanted to.

On October 12, 2010, I signed up for the Walt Disney World Half- Marathon.

On October 12, 2010, I got my life back.

I still struggle daily with my past. I sometimes struggle with my “fear foods”, but I have put most of them back in my diet (I can now eat peanut butter and almonds again without feeling too guilty!) I know now that it is very important to eat and fuel my body. My relationship with food has gotten better and I absolutely LOVE running! 🙂 I made a promise to myself that I would stop my training whenever running felt like a chore- I haven’t had such a day! I know that there will be ups and downs, but I have the greatest parents in the world who love and support me through anything. I also have the love and support of my extended family, my sorority sisters, and my friends. I also know that I have the support of the blogging community and I am so happy that I am starting to become a part of such a great group!

I am not perfect. I will never have the “perfect” body, but I am developing the perfect body for me! 🙂

This post wasn’t easy to write and I hesitated posting it, but I think it is important for people to know the real me. There are still many things I need to/ wish to share, but I am not ready to do it right now.

I just want everyone to know that I am in a MUCH better place in my life. It amazes me how much my life has changed in a little over a month. I never knew that something as simple as running and blogs could change my life in such a fantastic way.

Thank you for your continued support!

🙂

{A normal blog post will be posted later after my audition at 3pm!}

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6 Comments leave one →
  1. November 16, 2010 2:35 pm

    Its so hard to write about and finally publish a “Healthy Tipping Point Story”. I know I sometimes feel so vulnerable having all that personal information about me on my site, but I felt dishonest without it. So thank you for sharing!

    Dealing with healthy eating, workouts, and body image in general are so difficult. It’s a journey though and taking little steps each day will make it easier. So glad that you are in a better place and I can’t wait to read about Disney!

  2. November 28, 2010 1:21 am

    I think that you are an amazing woman. You are amazing! Do not ever forget that!

    • November 28, 2010 7:38 pm

      Thank you so much! It means a lot! 🙂

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